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You Having Olaf?

BY JOSEPH CULLEN

Comedy. 22nd & 26th Feb, 21:30, £12.

“Get a job working with children, it’ll cheer you up.” Did it bollocks. One man’s attempt to combat all-consuming sadness with children’s entertainment, and his miserable failure at doing so.

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The year is 2014. A man miserable beyond belief with little hope of change; his options are limited to a lobotomy, cuddling a bag full of puppies or The Dutch Act.

“Work with kids”, they said, “It’ll cheer you up”. Did it bollocks.

What leads someone to make such bad choices? Can you even fix something that is truly broken? Is there really any point in trying?

ARE YOU HAVING OLAF? is a one-man “comedy” storytelling piece based on anecdotes from the woebegone world of a recovering children’s party entertainer; from his decision to take the heinous job in the first place, to his breakdown at a 6 year old’s birthday party that made him think “maybe this job isn’t for me…”.

Including such soul-shattering events as:
– “That time my mum made me put my Olaf costume on ON CHRISTMAS DAY FORSOOTH so I could pop round and look at the neighbour’s children’s presents.”
– “That time I was on an empty tube so set up all of my One Direction cut-outs and took a photo with the lads (my only true friends), only to pull into King’s Cross and be swamped by commuters while hurriedly trying to fold Liam back into the box.”
– A Slam Poem about “That time I was taking a shit in a primary school and a little boy watched under the door and even though I’m DBS checked I still wasn’t ok with what was happening.”

This was rock bottom. Oh wait no, there’s a ladder that’ll take me even lower, should probably climb down it.

There may be costumes. There will definitely be balloon swords.

Have a shot of bubble mixture on me and toast my wretched existence.

Children are not the future; thankfully they are my past.

FOR GENTLE TIM at Vault 2016:

‘Cullen captures the erratic and socially awkward nature of Timothy Treadwell…Cullen looks every bit his character.’ A YOUNGER THEATRE

‘Joseph Cullen provides a brilliant portrayal of this brave, child-like and passionate man. His attention to detail is fantastic and drives the central component of the show brilliantly.’ EVERYTHING THEATRE

‘Cullen nails Treadwell’s vocal mannerisms and demeanour’ THE STAGE

‘Cullen gives a striking performance.’ THERE OUGHT TO BE CLOWNS

FOR OTHER THINGS:

“Sherlock was dreamy” TWITTER, The Game’s Afoot

“At core, Endgame orbits around Hamm […], and Joseph [Cullen] has risen to the challenge presented by this character as he delivers a truly superlative performance.” NOUSE, Endgame

“Joe [Cullen] played a mesmerising and curiously attractive Professor Bhaer, which is a MASSIVE COMPLIMENT given his dedication to growing nineteenth century facial hair (shave it off. Shave it off now).” YORK VISION, Little Women: The Musical

“You can do anything you put your mind to, but you have to fill out really long application forms first” – MY MUM, a week before Vault Application Deadline.

Joseph Cullen (Writer & Performer) is Artistic Director of Over The Limit Theatre, whose inaugural show, Gentle Tim, premiered at The VAULT Festival 2016 and received the “Festival Spirit” Award.

Over The Limit have three shows at The Vault Festival 2017 that make up their “Celtic Season”: Siren, The Witch’s Mark and The Lock In.

Joseph has performed recently with Les Enfants Terribles in The Game’s Afoot, and performed in the Olivier-nominated Alice’s Adventures Underground in 2015. Other credits include Roaring Trade at The Park Theatre, and Ralph Roister Doister with Owle Schreame Theatre Company.

Joseph enjoys cryptic crosswords, Star Wars, the occasional Charleston and staying up indulging in bad habits, contemplating his minimal contribution to the world and inevitably being late to any plans he made the following day. He is sorry for everything he is and everything he has ever done, which is of little note.

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